MonsterSakurah

Ohhhhh shit it's been a while since I last wrote one of these things. Yay for adding in a new thing to the virtual time capsule, I guess lol.

Well, I turned 34 last month. Doesn't feel much different, but then again these past few years was one of major self-reflection. It's been two years since I left my old job and I don't regret leaving that and a lot of other people behind. I've now realized that a lot of them are two-faced. Perhaps my own naïve nature was in full display, but also, they are just co-workers, working in the same miserable job of egotistical management, nepotistic micromanaging corporate, and day after day of abusive, obnoxious, and entitled customers.

If working in grocery hell for at least two weeks will tell you that people suck, what does it say for someone who worked in that same hell for eleven years and expecting a different outcome? At the very least, I am glad that I got out of there before the first major COVID outbreak. Who knows what I would've brought home way before vaccines rolled in.

I started out two years ago looking to improve my art skills and opening to commissions. I also got into streaming. During this period of time, I was looking for a way to help with income and now, I realize that it was a foolhardy approach, for multiple reasons. I have to build it up if I truly want to succeed, but that was one aspect that kind of held me back.

I can never truly change who I am.

I've come to terms that I am neuro-divergent and on the Autism spectrum. It made much more sense to that life-long question of 'why am I different? I don't understand. Someone help me?'. Unfortunately, with all that growing up, I never really had a chance to get that kind of support. Granted, the perks of being a Millennial kid was the belief that 'girls don't get Autism, only little boys do'. So I grew up and life went on. Could things have been different if I got that kind of help? It's a strong possibility, but it probably wouldn't change the family dynamics, which was a whole heaping mess of its own.

So that leaves me to where I am now. Middle of the 30s and still struggling, even though I have a much better understanding to 'why'.

Do I want to make art a career? The answer is simply no.

So what would I want as a career? At this point, I got nothing.

Do I want to try to find something in life? At this point, no. I'm too tired and been trying to search for an answer too long that I'm just... tired.

At this point of time, I'd just rather do what I've been doing for years- just rolling with the punches. Working on something big like a comic is a welcome distraction and taking a holiday from streaming helps with my mental health, but honestly, I don't know if I want to come back to it.

Maybe the next entry will be in a happier time. Or more depressing. Could go either way.

Long time no update! If anyone cares to read this. I guess this is more like a personal time capsule.

Lots of things have happened in a very short amount of time. Before the COVID-19 outbreak affected my neck of the woods (those woods being central Oklahoma), I finally quit my day job late February. I was severely depressed, sleep deprived, juggled the food delivery gig, and my hours were being cut consistently. I had enough and decided the next day that I was not coming back. Why I worked that same place for 11 years is a pretty simple and sad explanation- I needed the money to survive. I was trying to save up.

After that, I pretty much coasted on DoorDash/Grubhub, the stimulus payment, and any savings I had. While I still do the delivery gig in the evenings, I really don't have as much income coming in. A lot of other people have lost their jobs as well. While at least rent is barely secured, not much else is.

I am currently doing more art in order to beef up my portfolio and in hopes of offering commissions to anyone that would be interested. I am also taking up another skill in writing also in hopes of having some income coming in. Doing all this while trying to take care of my home and mental health is taxing, but I'm trying to do what I can.

I'm also fairly active on Twitter and love to look at everyone's artwork and being so inspired by them. If you would like to follow me, I am monstersakuart there. :> ( https://twitter.com/monstersakuart )

As far as DA's Eclipse layout goes... No comment. I'm just here to upload art and look at pretty art and resources.

That's about it. Please stay safe and stand up for what is right. I can't tell you if you are right or wrong, but if you're gonna protest, at least be safe. That's all I ask.

See ya!

Whoops, I died. It wasn't on purpose or anything like that. Life just got busy and I got stressed. It's just how things are.

What I can say is that I finally upgraded my desktop to Win10 and I am ditching Photoshop for the very first time. I am going to try Krita since I've heard good things about it and I also bought myself a drawing tablet. :] Also diving into the world of webcomics, though it's nothing terribly original or ground-breaking. It's just a Pokemon Nuzlocke run.

But if a project like that is what gets me to do more art again, that's fine with me.

Nothing else to report, except that I am looking forward to the day where I can fire my boss once and for all.